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Vaccuum's break down in to three different categories. You have your
Price is easy to measure; the cheaper the better. But for effectiveness, it gets more tricky. Vaccuums rate their power in amps. The more amps you've got running through that motor the more effective at sucking the nasties out of the berber it is supposed to be. The central vac's are the most powerful of the bunch, with their amps starting at 12 and running upwards. I think you can get them powerful enough they requrie a licence to use. Don't expect to walk away with one for less than $900 Canadian though, and I'm not sure if that includes the piping. The normals are what everyone gets. They usually come in either 11 or 12 amps, and as stated earlier they are available in either upright or canister models. Bags and Bagless, extended hoses, "stair hugging design" or standard, they're all $700. Deal with it. The mini's run between 2 and 5 amps, are light as a feather, and are generally less than $200. No-one recommends these though. They are just too tiny. So Leanne and I head out shopping for the best deal in vaccuums. We don't have a lot of time you see because we have already lived in the house for a few weeks before finally taking the plunge into the wild world of cleaning wonders. Sears, $700 normals. Canadian Tire, $700 normals. Wal-mart, uh.... does Wal-mart not sell vaccuums? Oh wait, $700 normals. OK this isn't going so well. Spening $700 on a piece of cleaning equipment that sits in my closet 99.999% of the time does not seem like an efficient use of funds. We just bought a house for crying out loud. It isn't like we have all the money in the world to spend on a berber massaging tool. hmmm. Back to Sears. The Sears in the Pickering Town Center has a wonderful vaccuum display. I'm sure all the Sears do, but this particular Sears was our favourite. They had a nice line of the normals sitting up front by the walkway and little patches of carpet that you could practice your vaccuuming skills on. Plug it in, vroom vroom, the carpet is clean. The central vac big brothers were there as well, but we weren't interested in them. What's this? Back in the corner here. It is a mini made by Hoover with an interesting decal. "4.2 amps, with the cleaning effectiveness" (or as I like to call it "sucking power") " of 13.5 amps." Could this little bagless really match up to the power of those other machines? Time to take the test. Plug, eye sample carpet, vroom vroom, clean. Ok, well all the vaccuum's cleaned the carpet. Big deal. I could have done that with the dust buster. Time for the old "hand over the intake sucking power test". Uh, yup, seems to really suck. good. Price... $89. $611 less, and I can't tell the difference. We'll take it. We grab the box, head up to the vaccuum lady's counter and indicate that we've found our match. The perfect vaccuum. A company name I've heard of before, a good price, and the sucking power seems to be comparable to the big boy's. Yessir, We're heading home with a deal. Vaccuum Lady, "Cash or Charge?" Tossing my credit card Brian proudly states, "Visa today, thanks." Vaccuum Lady, "Sir, is this your only vaccuum?" Grinning proudly, "Yup, it will be." Vaccuum Lady, "For an appartment then, right?" "No, for our new house", I say proudly. Vaccuum Lady, "Oh, well then I can not sell you this vaccuum." Brian, dumbfounded look Vaccuum Nazi, "It is a secondary vaccuum, or perhaps for those with small appartments with very little carpet. It is for picking up spilt popcorn and such." "um, but, um" "perhaps I can interest you in one of the normal vaccumms." Ah, so she is on commission. ok. no problem. "Nope, this one is good", I say, confidently "Sir, this vaccuum does not fit your needs. " My needs. I have no pets, the house is relativly dust free, and it's less than a hundred freading dollars. I don't care if it isn't quite as good as the others. I want it. "Why?", I ask. "Because it was not meant for that purpose. If you vaccuum three bedrooms with this one it'll explode." "_Explode_?" Huh? did she say explode? Return of the dumbfounded face, mix in a little confusion and a lot of disbelief. Not only in her story, but the fact that I am hearing it at all. "Yes sir. This tiny little motor just can't handle that use. I can not sell you this vaccuum." "Hoover wouldn't sell a vaccuum that would explode. And there must be a warranty. Have you had others return this model?", I ask, half curious and half hoping her insane marketing pitch won't stand up to questioning. "Well, no sir. I wouldn't sell this to anyone that didn't already have another vaccuum." Ah, she got me. good answer. but still INSANE ! "Ok, fine. May I please have my VISA?" "Well sir, you must under..." Is she sensing her small commission is going to walk out the door or is she about to continue her carzy upsell at this point. Who cares. Now that I know this mini exists I can surely buy it from a number of places. Even if she backs down now I don't want it. "eh", I mumble while forcefully yanking my VISA from her hand. On the way out of the store Leanne and I consider asking for the store manager to see if we can override the vaccuum nazi, but we decide against it. What is the point? Normal Sears employee's aren't on commission, so the store manager may not even have any power of the nazi's department. We'll just take our money elsewhere. Canadian Tire, not here. Wal-mart, strke two. Home Hardware, vaccuums, yes, mini's, yes, Hoover mini sucking wonder? No. Uh, maybe somewhere else in the mall. Nothing. Ok, Sears has the market cornered. Fine. I can't wait too long here, our house is falling into neglect, but I won't settle for anything less. I want that vaccuum. The vaccuum nazi can't work every day. Back to Sears. Past the Hardware, through the kitchenware, around the camping equipment, ah, the vaccumms, and THE VACCUUM NAZI. Does she sleep in that tent over there? It does look a little used. eh. uh. We need a plan. Surely she will recognize us. Quick, into the lighting deptartment. "Leanne, here is the plan. I'll walk over to the normals. She will notice me, and with a blinding smile she will not notice you grab the box and sneak out the side. This is Sears after all, you can purchase your items in any department, can't you?" Deal. Break. Cue Mission Impossible music. I head to the normals. There are 3 people waiting at her checkout line so she is clearly busy. Good. Leanne grabs the box, heads out into the aisle an we are ... "WAIT!" - caught. Vaccuum Nazi, "Miss, you can pay for that here." Leanne polietly, "actually, I have some other shopping to do, fist." Vaccuum Nazi, "OK, but that box must be heavy, why don't you leave it here and pick it up when you are ready?" Leanne persistant, "No, that's alright. It's not that heavy." "Well then, when you get your other purchases, please come back here and I'll be happy to ring them all in." "uh, I can purchase them at another desk can't I?" "Well, yes..." Customer at counter loosing patience, "uh-hum" "ok", Leanne states exiting stage right. Just then I am noticed. I quickly head off back to the lighting while Leanne ducks in to camping. We swing back around and meet up in the kids clothing section behind a large divider wall hidden from view. "Good, we have the box". We then move quickly through hardware and back to kitchenware (we were also picking up a dish set we liked) while being careful not to be tracked. I'm sure that when she was finished with the customers in line she would come looking for us. Ah, kitchenware checkout. Place the items on the counter and hand over the VISA. Ninety-two year old Sears checkout-lady "Will this be all?" "Yes", I state, watchig over my shoulder. "Hmmm, a vaccuum", beep goes the UPC scanner. "hmmm", beep on anothe UPC code. "Um, let's see here", beep, beep, beep. There are 26 UPC codes on this box. "Doesn't seem to scan. hmmm". clickty-click as our friendly but not overly quick senior citizen types in the lenthy code beneth the UPC into her computer system. And then another, and another. All 26 actually. The vaccuum nazi is on the hunt now. I can feel it. "You know, you can take this vaccuum and check it out in the vaccuum department, right?" An exasperated Leanne clearly sensing the prowl as well, "Yes, but can we please check it out here?" "Oh, of course, dear. Let me see." She checks what her elder associate is up to but realizes that inturrpting here checkout process with some other customer isn't the right thing to do. "Perhaps I need the department number", she ponders, while staring blankly at her screen. click click, backspace, frustrated sigh, click. hmmm, "ah", click, beep, "oh", beep, beep, beep, "Ah ha ! $99. Got it!" BINGO! -Wait-, $99. Wasn't it $89? Uh, who cares. Sign your name ! "Thank-you." We grab the goods, back to the hardware and out the side exit in a flash. Ah ha ! We have our vaccuum. So why do I feel like a I just robbed a bank? The next night I vaccuum the house. The whole house. All three bedrooms, the main floor, all the steps, and the basement too. Believe me, this was no light load. We hadn't vaccuumed in, well, I best not say. And not one explosion. 6 months later, and many top to bottom cleanings, and that light little hoover sucking master is the best darned vaccuum I've ever owned. And it hasn't exploded once. Brian Verkley |